Updated: Aug 2, 2020
How many times have you heard the term “needy” with a negative connotation?
It just might be that when one refers to an other as “needy”, what they are really saying is, “I don’t have the emotional capacity to hold space for your emotional needs.”
And that is not your responsibility. Nor is it your responsibility to make others comfortable with your needs. Just as the person you are in relationship with is not to blame for a lack of capacity to hold emotional space for you. When we blame we relinquish our own power and strength to engage in personal growth.
Emotional needs are a natural and healthy part of being human. And developing the capacity to show up for yourself and an other begins with an awareness that you have a need and embracing this understanding unapologetically.
We are likely to have some emotional needs that were under attended to growing up, and we struggle to develop them into adulthood.
This can happen because our caregivers were under-developed in these areas as well.
Under attended emotional needs can look like:
- A need to feel safe and secure
- A need to feel capable
- A need to feel accepted
- A need to feel loved
- A need to feel understood
- A need to feel valuable
- A need to feel supported
When we embrace our needs unapologetically, we then have opportunity to engage with our self and others to develop these areas and extend the same kind of support to those we are in relationship with.