While on my bike ride this morning a lightbulb came on, and I found myself thinking about all the people in the world who have not known meaningful, secure connection during the earliest years of their lives ages 0-5 when the delicate parts of the nervous system and brain are in a crucial period of growth. Additionally, having these experiences reinforced throughout childhood, into adolescence and beyond.
Holding a light bulb in mind with the tiny wire filament that connects both the positive and negative energy inside the fragile glass to create a glow that lights up and warms a space has my mind blown as it relates to meaningful connection.
We all know what happens when the thin coil inside a lightbulb snaps and electricity cannot flow completely through the circuit. The bulb ceases to work as intended, the light flickers and dims unable to light up or warm a room.
Many have not been able to connect with others as easily as those who have had a safe, secure attachment during their primary years. The wire dangles loosely unable to spark the charge of easy connection. Nevertheless, we manage to develop complex ways of connecting.
As humans, we end up taking whatever strength we may have and/or whatever has worked to draw others near and utilize it unconsciously to engage in relationship.
The law of conservation of Energy can neither be created or destroyed, it simply changes from one form to another. The same with attachment and relating to others.
This explains why children will “act out”, and this continues into adulthood until we develop self-awareness, and begin small steps toward change; which happens in relationship with others.
It’s heartbreaking because there can be a lifetime of suffering in isolation, confusion, loss and/or damage of relationships.
This is something we cannot will into existence. The filament does not connect. We need to be gentle with ourselves and begin by noticing the ways we engage to connect and/or withdraw from overwhelm when it comes to interpersonal interactions. Then begin to make micro-corrections. It takes understanding and patience, time and effort…even when we feel limited in our capacity. #micro-corrections