When it comes to fulfilling desires, it’s important that we know our target. Like a lioness stalking her prey, she is fully aware of what she plans to devour. She sits patiently, waiting, eyes narrowed, panting, her mouth begins to water. She will not be dissuaded.
Often when I see someone struggling with their satisfaction, I pose the question, “What do you want?”
What comes next is often a Kaleidoscope of broken glass reflecting all of the things that one is determined not to have…broken pieces of past relationships, shards of disillusionment and sorrow.
I ask the question again, “What do you want?”
To which I frequently hear, “I just told you.”
Gently and softly I nudge, “No…you told me what you don’t want. What do you want?”
It’s so natural to focus on what we don’t want because we gain understanding through what we experience. It’s difficult to fathom what we do want if we have not yet had a taste of its deliciousness. If we are only familiar with what is bitter and unpleasant to the tip of the tongue, then this is what we imagine on our plate.
It takes far more effort to dream up what we have not tasted when we lack the experience of enjoying a hearty meal. This is where the Cinderella story becomes intertwined with the reality of what is and is not possible. We glean our understanding from make-believe stories that are created to delight but lack the variety of spice and vigor. I mean, what happens after the glass slipper slides seamlessly over her delicate alabaster flesh? We don’t see the repellant morning breath moments and surprising shared bathroom experiences.
There is no Queen or King of the jungle that will meet our every craving, but if we like the lioness, at least have an idea of the most important ingredients, then we will end up successful in our hunt and nourished.
Learn what you want by first knowing what you need. What essential ingredients do you most desire for sustenance in relationship?