What is it about having another to be dependent on, that is so appealing?
When we are controlled/dependent we feel contained.
When we are contained we feel safe.
What’s the alternative?
Uncontained and independent, we are free.
What is it about freedom that can feel so frightening?
When we are contained we feel held.
How do we learn to feel free and held, safe, secure and contained without being controlled/dependent?
It is when we are secure/trust in ourselves to be able to navigate any situation with success, even if it means pulling in external resources/helps/support that we feel capable and trustworthy within ourselves.
How is this developed?
By noticing. Noticing moments of ease, noticing moments of unease in order to distinguish the difference.
Then, linger longer within the moments of ease, notice the bodily sensation of ease.
Remember it, and reflect upon it when you are in a state of calm. Re-engage with it…the memory, the sensation.
This is how we practice, so that during times of unease, we may move through an experience with more ease, security and self-assuredness.
The goal is inter-dependence, whereby we feel both safe to lean on others at times as well as capable within ourselves.